Before I met Dave, I was a babysitter and two families regularly had me babysit so they could get dressed up, fancy, and go to dinner to reconnect. {I know now that it was to talk uninterrupted}. I saw this as a marriage plan for success. I dated DKC in college and didn’t want that to end, ever.
Raising great adults is what we are commissioned to do, and that means we need to WORK HARD to stay connected to one another, on the same page, and on fire for our life. Lately, we are in the season of life where we HIGH 5 one another on our way in and out of the door. Lately, weekends and weeknights we have to divide and conquer the kid activities that are at the same time in different parts of the city. Being home together at night may only be for a few hours and while we are together, it isn’t often quality time. We are still engaged with kids, wrapping up work or “chores that need to be done for home/family”. The crazy irony is that I am an early riser who loves sunrises and sees bedtime as a treat. I have had a 9:00 bedtime since 4th grade. DKC loves his mornings to sleep and would prefer to see midnight. We have opposite natural tendencies and each phase of our marriage has required us MAKE IT A PRIORITY to step out of our rhythm of life, and protect time for just us.
Our children like us better when we take this time. It not only pours into our relationship but our family.
This has almost always been difficult to do.
In the early parenting years, it meant scheduling a sitter (and paying the expensive sitter). We chose for me to stay at home and retire from teaching, which meant one income. It was hard to pay for a sitter and dinner, so we were creative. There were times we could trade babysitting date nights with friends. There were other times that we went for a long walk and an ice cream cone. Like I said, sitters were expensive, so nights like these, we had cheap activities to save money for paying the sitter. There were lean years when date night was at home and on purpose after the children were put to bed, We lit candles, sat in the dining room, and pretended that we on a far off adventure. All that mattered was the date like intention. We were intentionally showing up to the other.
A surprise to dating….
I wanted to go on smokin’ hot dates, I wanted a break, I wanted to feel pretty, get dressed up, and have someone who loves me…give me their complete attention. The surprise that I didn’t see as a reason for dating, until the kids got older, is that we want our growing children to see that there is something to look forward to as an adult. The best time of their lives is not High School or early 20’s alone, it is the moment they are in.
Our children will do as we do. We want our kids to see our love affair. We want them to SEE how a man treats a woman and how a woman treats a man. I want my girls to have an expectation of how their future spouse will treat them. I also want my boys to see how you treat a lady. I know that my girls have a high standard for their future spouse because of how DKC treats and interacts with me (and them). I want to believe that my boys will wait for and look hard for the woman that looks at them the way I look at DKC, after all these years. I believe it is the time for one another (Smokin’ Hot Dates) that has been one of the most important ways we have protected our relationship.
Dates can be what you and your love enjoy. Sometimes it’s a compromise. Sometimes it is a stay at home date because your budget allows more time than money. That’s ok, we have had those seasons more than once.
Our current favorite smokin’ hot date night is getting a little more dressed up than normal and taking in a great restaurant. Anytime we can avoid dishes, clean up and food prep we find that to be the most restorative FOR US. That atmosphere lets us talk, connect, dream, talk about what’s going well and not so well, & design future plans. Yes, we talk about the kids and work. I hear that we should not talk about work… for another topic…
If you are just getting started… here are a few FREE Date Night Ideas {or day}
- Go for a hike
- Stroll a bookstore
- Go to a poetry reading
- Visit a state park
- Go to the zoo
- Play a board game
- Have a picnic in the backyard
- Pull out the blankets and watch movies together at home
- Go on a tour of homes for sale
- Check out live music
Originally posted 2020-02-02 02:42:54.
